she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Randomize
