...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Randomize