It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
you would pick up someone in the library
if i died would you start the facebook group?
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
