I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
