i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
