i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize
