Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
