do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
