new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Randomize
