I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
