Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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