I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
