Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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