You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
