Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize