So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
