I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
