Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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