I'm sorry my penis didn't work
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
