I'm gonna have a badass scar
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Randomize
