i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
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