His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
