he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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