you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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