She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
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