I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
