if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Randomize
