It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
he high fived his dick after we had sex
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize