sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
