I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize