I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
