It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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