He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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