The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize