I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
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