He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Randomize
