Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
