someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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