M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
