you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize