Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
