Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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