This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
