i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
