Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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