I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
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