pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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