Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
