I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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