I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Randomize
