smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
