Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize