I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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