I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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