Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
