Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
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