I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
