First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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