I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize