i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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