dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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